Bismillah. Honestly, I dont know whats wrong with me. It becomes harder to get to know new people, to get into new circle (or is it that I'm being picky choosing my circle?). Currently I can't think straight, i feel like quitting everything and even quitting this life. yesterday my finger was slightly cut by a shaver i accidentally touched at the toilet. the blood came out. the whole night I couldn't sleep. the image of my arms, hands, foot, and thighs being cut open by the knife, the knife I brought from my internship. the imagination feels real. Then I, just like Japanese warriors, performed seppuku. I have imagined this plenty of time. I keep the knives away, afraid of what myself would do. Sometimes I can control it. When I can't, i divert my mind to somewhere else - listen to music, playing chess that makes me a loser some more, or anything, just anything that can settles my mind to not think abut that. I don't feel like starting this semester. I can...